ROTAN in memory~

ermmm...sure korang ingat rotan tu org kan?? sebenarnye bukan maa..rotan tu..kalo korang tatau jenuh laaa...hahaha..alaa..benda yg selalu digunakan utk mengajar anak yg degil dan nakal..nway..sape yg teka the other way around..bijak2..

smlm borak2 ngan sorang junior nie..n teringatlaa pasal rotan merotan nie..hehe..mak ngan ayah aku mmg garang...esp ngan aku..apsal aaa...lelain...diorg jarang rotan..aku je selalu kena..pendek kate..sume pun aku dah rase laa..hanger..rotan..tali pinggang...penderaan?? tak aaa..sbb biasa kena tadeklaa sampai luka..tp sakitnyeeee..tuhan jelaa yg tau...

kisah rotan 01
mase aku darjah 2..mak aku anta gi ngaji ngan sorang tok guru nie..isk2..garang seh..mmg kalo silap skit kena rotan kat tgn..kalo cam melampau kena rotan kat badan terus..haha..manelaaa aku tak phobiaa...pastu..aku senyap2 ponteng kelas ngaji tu..dah seminggu lebih...baru terkantoi..makanyee..nak ngelak dr kena rotan ngan tok guru..kena rotan ngan ayah..aaaaa...padan mukeee

kisah rotan 02
ermm..silap skit je...aku terkurang ajar..isk..camnelaa aku leh jd camtu..aku rase aku marah kat mak aku kot...pastu mak aku pukul aku ngan hanger...ahaha..patah seh hanger tu
mak aku cari hanger lain..demm..serik aku pastu..pk dulu b4 cakap..

kisah rotan 03
this happened..soon after msuk sbp..mase form 01..aku tak tahan duk sana..homesick..plus penat gile..kena wat mcm2..mase outing aku nekad lari balik umah..haha..betapa tekad nyee..mmg sampai kat umah..pastu..mak bapak aku mmg ngamuk gilelaaa...kali ini aku dpt belt...hahahah..tibai sampai aku kate.."yelah..nadia balik sane esok"...isk2..yg nie mmg aku takleh terime..kesian aku..kena paksa duk sbp tuh..isk2..terseksa jiwa raga aku selama 5 tahun aku kat sana...tp..kalo tak pasal tali pinggang tu..aku rasa..aku tak sampai kat UTP nie..heheh..

anyway..sumenyee nie dlm memory..sbb skang..there's no more such thing..paling2 pun kena brainwash...haha..tp tulaa..sayang anak tangan2kan..kalo tak tangankan...adekah aku akan jadi manusia?? wallahualam..

p/s: kate ekuinoks ari nie..tp dah kul 12..cam biasa jek aku rasa..mendung2 jek..ermm kuasa Allah..mmg tak dpt nak duga..:)

last mid break

smlm officially..mid break aku dha abis..basically aku leh concludekan..mid break yg paling pasif...(seb baik aku gi job interview workshop tu..at least ade laa belaja sumthing)...so..ape aku wat mid break ari tu?

sabtu 12/3
attend job interview workshop..ade due session..pagi talk..petang mock job interview..learnt sumthing today..english masih kantoi..having difficulties in expressing my own idea..nway..mr amzairi puji sbb aku update cite pasal bukit cahaya tu..hehe..n ari nie baru aku tau..ade byk cara that an interview session can have..maybe akan cite more about this later..

ahad 13/3
balik umah..though tadek sgt pun mood nak balik..tumpang kawan..kuar utp kul 9 lebey..sampai umah kat kul 4..hahaha..walhal from tronoh to selayang amik masa 3 hrs je..actually..byk pit stop..sempat rehat2 kat restoran jejantas..camlaa jauh sgt umah tu kan..nway..dlm keadaan kewangan yg agak meruncing nie..boleh plak sampai je kat SOGO..ujan!! isk..nak tak nak..balik naik teksi laa..abis rm 8..argghhh bengang!!

isnin 14/3
sume org ade kat umah...best plak rasenye..tak rugi laa balik umah..ptg tu sempat gi selayang mall jap..tp tatau nak beli ape..saje bawak adik kuar skali..belanje die McD..total money spent = rm 30

selasa 15/3
patutnye gi mid valley..amik hadiah CLEO tuh...tp sgt malas nak kuar..as tadek mood nak shopping pun..thinking of ajak liyana n her bf kuar skali..tp..bf die ade flight lak..n she had to go back to uitm today..aaa...lupe plak..die tgh final exam skang..pastu..setel laa diploma accountancy die..Good Luck sis..hopefully part nie..dpt dean list lagi..:)

rabu 16/3
hadiah CLEO considered burn..wpun worth rm 35..aku terkilan gak aaa...takpelaa..pas nie kena try anta lagi..nway..balik utp ari nie..tukar shift ngan rumet..(die balik umah ari ni)..balik ngan sape?? tumpang kawan yg sama..ermm..kuar umah kul 10..this time..kul 4.30 kot baru sampai..hahaha..same reason..asik berenti ajek..rewang2 sesambil sight-seeing..:P apsal aku balik awal?? FYP kononnyeee....

kamis - sabtu
aarghhh...aku tak berjaya siapkan papepun..yet dota dah ber pam2..ermm..byk jejalan je..dlm 3 ari nie..makan kat merata tempat..hahaha..bankrap seh camnie..sabtu ari tu..sempat men dota ngan dak2 pro..adeh..as a noob mmglaa sgt redha..kena marah2 tu sume..haha..seb baik team aku join menang..else..sure kena kutuk gile2 laaa...hahaha..like i care pun..saje2 join cari experience sambil tgk camne diorg marah2 org...(kena praktisss lagi ni...isk..sengal2)

ahad 20/3
bangun awal..gi pasar batu gajah..best2..leh shopping byk brg..ngan harga murah..target: suar + abc + tauhu + brg2 dapur skit..ermm..tp end up beli baju rm 5 satu..brg2 dapur tu beli gak laa...tp keciwa..tk dpt beli sandal rm 10...duit tak cukup..sengal laa ATM utp nie..asik leh kuar rm 50 jek..sbb tulaa dak utp cepat broke..sigh~

pagi niee..aku bangun ngan rase kesal sgt2..tp tulaa mende dah jadi..nak wat camne..nak tanak kena setelkan progress report by esok..isk2..esok ade test laa plak..nasib laa nadia..pandai buat pandai tanggung laa..chow~

innuendo to my heart

//cant find the rite word to express feeling? express it in poem..songs..bla bla bla..like me:

Pieces of my dreams
Shattered all around
I could not cry
My tears were dry

Empty heart, the lonely nights
Tired of my soul
Bittered I just fought my fights
Hurt me to the bone

Cannot cry, for cannot love
Cannot laugh, but no one sees
If I could, for just one day
Sing the songs of happiness
In silence I would pray

Pieces of my dreams
Shattered all around
But if I’d try
What would they think of me?
I want to cry
Escape this messed-up puppetry

No word could heal
My deepest wounds
My mortal soul
The truth
Apocryphal
The pain
My memories

Innuendo to my heart
For my tears are dry
Tearing me apart

I cannot cry

*taken from internet..

duh...

ari ni dah masuk ari ke 4..since i decided to stop the whole thing which currently uncontrollable by both of us..hurm..till today..emotionally unstable..but i will try my best..to overcome this..its not easy..to stop talking to sumone who used to be the one who make me stay up till late at night..semata2 nak borak ngan die..tp tula..i believe i can live w/o him..:P

as for yesterday..rase cam hari yg penuh dgn benda tak best..memule..b4 gie test..jari tersepit kat pintu..which make me rase nak nangis...sbb sakittt..then..bile sampai kat test room..bile tgk paper test..cam blur kejap..walhal..sempat ulang bace notes tu 2 kali..maybe it is becoz i just read it for the sake of taking the test..later..malam tu..gi library..to return the books that i had borrowed months ago..isk..lewat 3 minggu tuh..tataulaa kena bayar denda bape byk..sbbnye..bile aku dah spend mase nak setelkan sume..system takleh detect laa plak..aaaa..malasnye nak pegi lagi..sumhow..setel utang buku last sem..rm 1.20..wth..walhal ari tu..aku baru baya rm 9..mesti ade yg tak kena nie..n mlm tu..aku ingat nak tido awal..tp baru sejam aku tdo adelaa 2 ekor kucing bertuah nie..buat bising tak ingat..aku ingat diorg nak mengawan..tp upenye nak gaduh..s#4! je..sampai aku tak jd nak teruskan tido..n gie belaja men dota..

sumthing to be suprised..he ym me..might be becoz of my status..complaining about my bad luck day..die tulis 2 ayat je..the first one i dun remember..(bace skali je)..n followed by 'take care'..n aku yg sengal nie..telah merosakkan kejap..mision aku..dgn mereply ym tuh..soooo Stupiddddd of me...argghhh..why am i doing this...

erm..luckilly..next week dah mid break..cant wait to be with my mum..spend time wif my sis..n try to forget about this crap thingy..

p/s: i just cant believe myself..dah sampai camnie pun..i can still control my tears..maybe he's not worth it..

FeeLinGs ComPiLer

dear blog..last week had been a very difficult time for me..dealing wif such undefined feelings..n yet i dunno what is the correct way to express whats inside my mind rite now..

hurmm..i dunno..what kind of game that we're playing rite now..fighting like kids..ermm..n sumhow..i just cant keep asking u..who's fault is it..when kite sendri dah tau..salah siapa..

yup..both of us want things back to normal..like b4..no argue..no sakit ati..believe me..kalo boleh i want to erase part of my memory..so that i can simply forget about how all of this began..tp..like what u've said..it is impossible..but..did u realize sumthing..i'm the one who been trying to mend things between us..but u're making things much more complicated to me..

last nite..i've decided..this is my last try..i wont try anymore after this..i'm too tired thinking about us..n i know that u're also having difficult times..wif my frens..

i dun want to be the person who keep asking u; "r u ok?".."apesal wat camtu"..anymore..

i dun want to be org yg selalu mengalah..everytime..we had an argue..anymore..

i dun want to be the person..who said its my fault when it is ur fault..anymore..

n i dun want to have sleepless nite anymore..thinking why r u doing all of this to me..n why this is happening to me..

jealousy might be the reason why..n though at first i think i dun have the right to be jealous..or whatever..still u dun have the right to mess up my feeling like that..

sorry if i had said sumthing that hurt u..or causing u to feel really miserable..